英语的笑话精华(15篇)
英语的笑话1
On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were taller so that they would not have to stand on their toes all the time.
在观看完芭蕾舞表演回家的路上，幼儿园老师问学生的观后感。班上最小的`女孩说，她希望舞蹈演员可以长得更高一点儿，那么他们就不用整天踮着脚尖了。
英语的笑话2
Saving lives
At a pre-med university in St. Louis, we had to take a difficult class in physics. One day the professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"
"To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school," replied the professor.
英语的笑话3
At a pre-med university in St. Louis, we had to take a difficult class in physics. One day the professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask Why do we have to learn this stuff?
To save lives. The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. So how does physics save lives? he persisted. It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school, replied the professor.
在圣路易斯的一所医学院预科大学，学生必须修一门很难的.物理课。一天，教授正在探讨一个特别复杂的概念，一个学生粗鲁地打断他的话，问道：为什么我们一定要学这种东西？
为了救人。教授很快回答，继续讲课。几分钟后，那个学生再次大声坚持：那么物理怎么救人呢？教授回答：它通常可以把你这种笨蛋赶出医学院。
英语的笑话4
good news and bad news
"there's good news and bad news," the divorce lawyer told his client.
"i could sure use some good news," sighed the client. "what's it?"
"your wife isn't demanding that your future inheritances be included in the settlement."
"and the bad news?"
"after the divorce, she's marrying your father."
好消息和坏消息
“有好消息，也有坏消息，”离婚律师告诉他的当事人。
“我总能利用一些好消息吧，”当事人吧了口气说，“是什么好消息?”
“你妻子没有要求将你未来的`继承财产也划入裁决的范围。”
“那么坏消息呢?”
“离婚以后，她将与你父亲结婚。”
英语的笑话5
Good news: Two boys went out climbing trees.好消息：两名男童出去爬树。
Bad news: wone of them fell out.坏消息：其中有一人摔下来了。
Good news: There was a hammockbeneathhim.好消息：他下面有一个吊床。
Bad news: There was a rakebeside the hammock.坏消息：吊床旁边有一个耙子。
Good news: He missed the rake.好消息：他和耙子擦肩而过。
Bad news: He missed the hammock too !坏消息：他也和吊床擦肩而过！
英语的笑话6
So many people underestimate the power and importance of a smile, that simple little facial expression characterized by an upward curving of the corners of the mouth. A smile has many meanings: pleasure, friendliness, welcome, amusement, and many more; and it is part of a universal body language that doesn’t need any extra interpretation. Plus a smile, with all its simplcity and beauty, can be a very important factor in many aspects of our lives: You fall in love with a new country you visit because its people greet you with a welcoming smile everywhere you go; other countries you just don’t like even though they might have more history, nature, entertainment and whatnot because their people don’t seem so friendly or accepting. You feel like buying from a certain store when the vendor welcomes you in with a smile, sometimes even if you wouldn’t intially have bought anything; and in other stores, even though they have exactly what you need or better, you decide to walk away because the vendor doesn’t look welcoming at all. You want to give a waiter a good tip when he serves you with a smile, even if the food turns out not that good; on the other hand, sometimes you’ll have some of the best food ever, but you won’t feel like giving the waiter a tip, even if you do, because he was grumpy. More and more examples from our everyday life show how much a simple
smile can change everything.
Forever engraved in my mind will be the smiling faces of the people of Thailand, the friendly pizza delivery boy, the welcoming supermarket vendor, the nice cashier at the bank, …etc.
It is these smiles that keep me wanting to go back, and that keep us all wanting to go back; looking at it from another view, if we break it down using business sense, a smile is one of the most effective means to generate sales and develop customer loyalty. On top of all that, a smile is a very simple and easy thing to do, so it amazes why no one bothers to do it, it not only makes the person in front of you better, but it also makes you feel better as well, and I’m not making this up, it has been psychologically proven. Personally, I’d like to see more smiling faces in this world; in the airports when I enter a new country, in companies, government agencies, restaurants, hotels, banks, everywhere; and I think it is up to governments to campaign about this, and even make it obligatory in certain important places like airports, hospitals, hotels…etc. Let’s all simply smile.
英语的笑话7
Can pilots fly?
飞行员会飞吗？
The Great Lakes Laboratoryemployed a licensed boat captain for its research vessel.It was common knowledge that the captain couldn't swim. When newcomers learned of this,they would often aproach him about jt,"ls it true ？ You,a boat captain, can't swim ? ""No,I can't!"he replied. "Can pilots fly?"
五大潮实验室雇用一位有执照的船长驾驶研究用的船。大家都知道这个船长下会游泳。当新来的'人知道这事以后，他们常常会去问他：“这是真的吗？身为船长你不会游泳？一他回答说："对，我不会！飞行员会飞吗？”
单词＆词组
nowhere 不在任何地方：任何地方都不
argument 争执；理由
budge 改变主意；让步
pasture 牧场；牧草；放牧
marriage 婚姻；（喻）结合
colleague 同事，同行
gas station 加油站
noticeable 面明显的，值得注意的
employ 雇用，工作，职业
veSSel 船，舰，容器
approach 接近，交涉，通路，途径
pilot 飞行员，驾驶，带领
知道不知道
五大湖( Great Lakes)是位于加拿大与美国交界处的5座大型淡水湖泊，按面积从大到小分别为：苏必利尔湖( Lake Superior)、休伦湖( Lake Huron)、密歌根湖(Lake Michigan)、伊利湖(LakeErie)和安大略湖(Lake Ontario)o除密歇根湖全属于美国之外，其他四湖为加拿大和美国共有。这五个湖泊所组成的五大湖是世界上最大的没水水域，总面积达245,660平方公里，有北美洲地中海之称。
英语的笑话8
who was the first man? 谁是世界上第一个男人
a teacher said to her class:”who was the first man?”
一个老师问她的.学生：“谁是世界上第一个男人”
“george washington,” a little boy shouted promptly.
一个小男孩立刻大声说：“乔治.华盛顿。”
“how do you make out that george washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.
老师带着宠溺的笑容问这个男生：“你如何证明乔治华盛顿是世界上第一个男人呢。”
“because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”
这个男孩子说：“因为，他是第一个挑起战争，第一个主张和平，并且是第一个深得民心的人。”
英语的笑话9
Two Birds 两只鸟
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗?
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
经典英语小笑话：这有多娇生惯养啊
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled(被宠坏的) . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(乱发脾气) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?
Cry? John asked. No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!
六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的`祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。
约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：学校怎么样?你过的好吗?哭了没有?
哭?约翰问，不，我没哭，可老师哭了。
英语的笑话10
After my husband，John，and I moved to Michigan from Nebraska，our new friends，proud of their beautiful tree一lined roads，teased us about the Mid-west's dull，flat，treeless land. When my parents，Nebraska farmers，visited us，I asked them about their trip.
我和丈夫约翰从内布拉斯加搬到密西根后，我们新认识的朋友们总为他们美丽的林荫大过引以为荣.他们嘲讽我们的中西部平原荒凉、贫瘩，连株枯树都没有。后来我父母从内布拉斯加的.老家来看我们，我问他们对旅途的感受。
What a boring drive，"my father replied."Once you get to Michigan, there's nothing to see but trees."
我父亲抱怨着:“枯澡，乏味，一进入密西根，除了树什么都没有。”
英语的笑话11
不捐款的理由Why should I give you money
A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didn't donate even a cent to a charity.
"First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and it's not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sister's husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..."
"I'm terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money."
The Lawyer responds, "Yeah, well if I'm not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"
英语的笑话12
钥匙还是接吻
friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the keys.” The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn’t heard him clearly, so he repealed. "Give me the keys.” The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.
我的一位朋友在给一个成人学生班级上英语课。他们都是新近来美国生活的。在一张桌子上摆了许多日常用品之后，他请全班同学给他挑出尺子、书本、钢笔等。课程进行得井然有序，学生们对自己所做的似乎很感兴趣，也很认真。后来轮到一名来自意大利的.学生，我的朋友说:“给我钥匙。”那人看起来非常吃惊，也有点手足无措。看到这种情况，我的朋友想是他没有听清楚，于是又重复了一遍:“给我钥匙。’，那位意大利学生耸了耸肩。接着，他伸出胳膊接住老师的脖子在双颊上亲了两下。
英语的笑话13
a little boy asked his father, "daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
一个小男孩问他的父亲，“爸爸，要花多少钱才能结婚呢?”
and the father replied, "i don't know, son, i'm still paying."
“我也不知道，我现在还在交钱。”父亲回答。
英语的笑话14
A private didn't notice a young lieutenant and failed to salute him. The lieutenant said sternly, "You did not salute me. For this you must immediately salute one hundred times."
Just then the general came up. When he saw the poor private about to begin, he exclaimed, "What's all this?"
The lieutenant explained, "This ignoramus(无知的人) failed to salute me. I'm making his salute one hundred times as a punishment.”
"Quite right," replied the general smiling, "But do not forget, sir, that upon each occasion you are to salute return."
有个士兵没有注意到一个年轻的.陆军中尉，没有向他敬礼。中尉很严厉地对那个士兵说：“你没有向我敬礼，因此你要马上敬100个礼。”
这时候将军过来了。他看到那个可怜的士兵就要开始敬礼时，就大声问道：“这是怎么啦?”
中尉解释说：“这个蠢货没有向我敬礼，我就罚他马上向我敬一百个礼。”
将军笑着说：“完全正确。不过，老弟，别忘了他向你每敬一个礼，你都要回礼的啊!”
英语的笑话15
Three guys were fishing in a lake one day, when an angel appeared in the boat.
When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked the angel humbly, "I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War ... Could you help me?"
"Of course," the angel said, and when he touched the man's back, the man felt relief for the first time in years.
The second guy who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving. He asked if the angel could do anything about his poor eyesight. The angel smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them into the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly.
When the angel turned to the third guy, the guy put his hands out defensively -- "Don't touch me!" he cried, "I'm on a disability pension."
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