（精品）英语小笑话
英语小笑话1
why is he howling.
他为什么喊
dentist: please stop howling. i haven't even touched your tooth yet.
牙医：请你不要再喊了!我还没碰你的牙呢。
patient: i know, but you are standing on my foot!
病人：我知道，可是你正踩着我的脚呀!
英语小笑话2
my little dog can't read
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦，
亲爱的，我把珍爱的.小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
英语小笑话3
Turning over
Nurse: oh my god! The patient who has been treated fell down at the gate of our hospital andbecame faint. The police officer is coming!
Doctor: Take it easy. Just turn him over and make that he was walking towards the hospital.
翻个个
护士：不好了，刚接受治疗的病人在医院门口摔倒晕了过去。警察马上就到。 医生：别着急。把他翻个个，弄出他往医院走的'样子。 大学英语小笑话带翻译篇4
Headache
"I have a bad headache. I'll visit the doctor."
"Nonsense, yesterday I had a headache, I dashed home, gave a kiss to my wife and the paindisappeared. Why don't you try it?"
"Good idea, call up your wife and tell her I'll be right over."
头疼
“我头疼的厉害，要去看看医生了。”
“胡说八道，昨天我也头疼，我冲回家吻了妻子一下，马上不疼了，要不你也试试?”
“好主意，给你妻子打个电话，说我马上就到。”
英语小笑话4
She was so excited and anxious to tell him. She said, "I've bought two presents for your birthday, dear. I would tell you now because I can't wait until that day. One present is a mat to put in front of my dressing table. Another one is a bronze statuette(小雕像) for the drawing room mantelpiece." And then she added: "Now me?"
Her husband thought for a while and then replied: "I'd better get you a new razor and some ties, so that we may exchange presents with each other."
有个女人给她的丈夫买了生日礼物。
她很激动，并且急于要告诉她的丈夫。她说：“亲爱的，我买了两样东西给你做生日礼物。我现在就要告诉你，因为我等不得到那一天才说。一件礼物是一个地垫，可以放在我的梳妆台前。另一件是一个青铜的小雕像，可以放在客厅的.壁炉架上”她还说：“好啦，你准备给我买什么呢?”
她的丈夫想了一会就说：“我最好是给你买一个刮胡刀和几条领带。这样我们就可以互相交换礼物了。”
英语小笑话5
One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"
英语小笑话6
erry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." How much do you charge?" A hundred dollars per visit." I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Ain't nobody under there now!!!
杰瑞去看精神病医生。“医生，我有些不对劲。每次睡觉的.时候，我都感觉有人在床下。我要疯了!”“给我一年时间，”医生说，“每周来三次，我会治好你。”“费用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元。”“我会认真考虑的。”杰瑞答道。六个月后医生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“为什么你再也没来呢?”医生问。“一次一百块钱吗?有个酒吧服务生收了十块钱就把我治好了。”“真的?他怎么做到的?”“他让我把床腿锯掉。现在那没人了!”
英语小笑话7
1. Guest:"Bub, do you go to school?"
客人：“小家伙，你上学了吗？”
boy:"What good shall I go to school? I can't read or write?"
孩子：“我上学有什么好处？我不会读，也不会写。”
2. The librarian went over to a small, noisy boy. "Please be quiet!" she warned. "The people around you can't read!"
图书管理员走到一个喧闹的小男孩身边，警告说：“请安静！你周围的人都不能读书了！”
"They can't?" The boy asked curiously. "Then what are they doing here?"
“不能读书？”小男孩好奇地问道。“那他们在这里干什么？”
3. betty:"Black hens are cleverer than white ones, aren't they?"
贝蒂：“黑母鸡比白母鸡聪明，对吗？”
Larry:"How do you know?"
拉里：“你怎么知道？”
Betty:"Well, the black hens can lay white eggs, but the white hens can't lay black ones."
贝蒂：“嗯，因为黑母鸡能下白蛋，可白母鸡不能下黑蛋。”
4. Bobby:"Billy broke my new doll!"
博比：“比利弄坏了我的新洋娃娃！”
Mum:"How did he do that?"
妈妈：“他是怎么弄坏的'？”
Bobby:"I hit him over the head with it."
博比：“我用洋娃娃打了他的头。”
5. "I wish I'd lived in the old times."
“我要是生活在古代就好了。”
"Why?"
“为什么？”
"Because there wouldn't be so much history to learn."
“因为那就不会有这么多历史要学了。”
英语小笑话8
miles sometime went to the barber's during working hours to have his hair cut. but this was against the office rules: clerks had to have their hair cut in their own time. while miles was at the barber's one day, the manager of the office came in by chance to have his own hair cut and sat just beside him.
麦尔斯有时在上班时间去理发馆理发，但这是违反办公室规定的：职员只能利用自己的时间理发。一天，正当麦尔斯理发时，经理碰巧也进来理发，而且就坐在他旁边。
"hello, miles," the manager said. "i see that you are having your hair cut in office time."
"你好，麦尔斯，"经理说。"我看到你在上班时间理发了。"
"yes, sir, i am," admitted miles calmly. "you see, sir, it grows in office time."
"是的，先生。正是这样。"麦尔斯平静地承认了。"可先生，你看，头发是在上班时间长的'。"
"not all of it," said the manager at once. "some of it grows in your own time."
"不全都是吧，"经理立刻说，"有一些是在你自己的时间里长的。"
"yes, sir, that's quite true." answered miles politely, "but i'm not having it all cut off."
"对呀，先生，你说得很对。"麦尔斯礼貌地回答说，"但我并没有把头发全都剪掉啊。"
英语小笑话9
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on（溺爱，宠爱） him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum（乱发脾气） . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? Did you cry?""Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"
六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的'祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：“学校怎么样？你过的好吗？哭了没有？”“哭？”约翰问，“不，我没哭，可老师哭了。”
英语小笑话10
你说什么?
Moe, Larry and Curly had been stranded on a desert island. They were walking alongdisconsolately when Moe happened to kick a bottle lying in the sand. The bottle broke and agenie suddenly emerged before them.
莫伊、赖利和卷毛因船触礁搁浅而被困在一个无人荒岛上，他们寂寞无助地沿岸边走着，这时莫伊踢到沙滩上一只瓶子，那只瓶子破了后，突然出现一个精灵。
"Thank you. oh Masters, for releasing me from my captivity. For your kindness, please allow meto grant you each a wish. "
“谢谢你们从囚禁我的瓶子中把我放出来，我的主人。为了报答你们的恩惠，请让我为每位实现一个愿望。”
"Well, it's not too difficult to figure out what I want," said Moe. "I wish I were back home. "
“哦，我的'愿望很容易想出来，”莫伊说。“我希望我能回到家里。”
No sooner had he said the words than he was back in dear old Brooklyn.
话一说完，莫伊就已在他可爱的布鲁克林老家中。
"I want to be back home, too," said I Larry, and he, too, was instantly transported.
“我也想回家，”赖利说，他马上也就被送走了。
" Gee, it's alone some here without Moe and Larry," said Curly. "I wish they were here to keepme company. "
“唉，没有莫伊和赖利，一个人在这里真无聊，”卷毛说。“我希望他们能回到这里陪伴我。”
英语小笑话11
Hello everyone!My name is ~~.Now,I am 12 years old. I am from ~~.I am a student in NO.1middle school .I like football with my sister after school .I am good at drawing.And i am likelearning English.Ican speak very well!
Do you want to make friend with me ?
译文
大家好!我的名字是~ ~.现在,我12岁了.我来自~ ~.我就读于第一中学.我喜欢踢足球和我姐姐在放学后.我擅长于画画.我喜欢学习英语. 我能讲英语讲得很好!
你想和我交朋友吧?
英语小笑话12
On a trip to Disney World
in Florida, my husband and I and our two children devoted ourselves wholeheartedly to the wonders of this attraction. After three exhausting days, we headed for home.
As we drove away, our son waved and said, "Goodbye, Mickey."
Our daughter waved and said, "Goodbye, Minnie."
My husband waved, rather weakly, and said, "Goodbye, Money."
迪斯尼之旅 弗罗里达州的迪斯尼乐园是一个迷人的'地方。一次我和丈夫以及两个孩子前往旅游，我们全身心地沉醉在它的各种奇观之中。精疲力竭地玩了三天之后，我们要回家了。
当我们驱车离开时，儿子挥手说：“再见，美奇。”
女儿挥着手说，“再见，美妮。”
丈夫也有气无力地挥了挥手，说道：“再见，美元。”
英语小笑话13
A man goes to church and starts talking to God.
He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", than the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" .
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话。他问："主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答："一便士"，男子又问："那一百万年呢?"上帝说："一秒钟"，最后男子请求道："上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答："过一秒钟"。
英语小笑话14
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
我没有睡着
当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒!”
“我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。
“没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?”
“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”
英语小笑话15
A farmer and his son, traveling by horse and buggy up a narrow lane, met a motorist going the other way. There was no room to pass for two miles in either direction. The motorist, in hurry,honked his horn.
"If you don't back up," said the farmer, rolling up his sleeves, "I won't like what I'm going to have to do." The surprised driver put his car in reverse and backed up two miles, allowing the horse and buggy to go by.
"What was it you wouldn't have liked to have done back there?" asked the farmer's son.
"Back up two miles," replied the farmer.
一位农民和他的儿子坐着马车来到一条狭窄的小巷， 他们看到一个司机正往他们这个方向开来。两个方向2英里以内已经没有空间让他们擦身而过了。司机焦急地按着喇叭。
“假如你不往后退，”农民撸着袖子说，“我并不喜欢我将要必须去做的事。”司机甚是惊讶，挂了倒挡，退后了2英里，让马车先过去了。
“刚才你说你并不喜欢做的`事是什么啊?”农民的儿子问。
“退后2英里。”农民回答。
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