英语的笑话
英语的笑话1
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didnt do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor, the doctor gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well, and in fact, beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work. Boss, he said, The pill actually worked! Thats all fine said the boss, But where were you yesterday.
汤姆早上老起不来，所以上班总是迟到。他的老板非常生气，警告他如果他不能有所改善的.话就炒他的鱿鱼。于是，汤姆去看医生，医生给了他一颗药丸并告诉他要在睡觉前服下这颗药。汤姆照医生的话做了，睡得非常之好，事实上，他在早上闹钟响之前就起来了。汤姆从容不迫地吃完早餐，然后兴高采烈地开车上班去了。老板，汤姆说，那药真管用，我的睡眠好极了!是够管用的，老板说，问题是，昨天你人哪去了
英语的笑话2
So many people underestimate the power and importance of a smile, that simple little facial expression characterized by an upward curving of the corners of the mouth. A smile has many meanings: pleasure, friendliness, welcome, amusement, and many more; and it is part of a universal body language that doesn’t need any extra interpretation. Plus a smile, with all its simplcity and beauty, can be a very important factor in many aspects of our lives: You fall in love with a new country you visit because its people greet you with a welcoming smile everywhere you go; other countries you just don’t like even though they might have more history, nature, entertainment and whatnot because their people don’t seem so friendly or accepting. You feel like buying from a certain store when the vendor welcomes you in with a smile, sometimes even if you wouldn’t intially have bought anything; and in other stores, even though they have exactly what you need or better, you decide to walk away because the vendor doesn’t look welcoming at all. You want to give a waiter a good tip when he serves you with a smile, even if the food turns out not that good; on the other hand, sometimes you’ll have some of the best food ever, but you won’t feel like giving the waiter a tip, even if you do, because he was grumpy. More and more examples from our everyday life show how much a simple
smile can change everything.
Forever engraved in my mind will be the smiling faces of the people of Thailand, the friendly pizza delivery boy, the welcoming supermarket vendor, the nice cashier at the bank, …etc.
It is these smiles that keep me wanting to go back, and that keep us all wanting to go back; looking at it from another view, if we break it down using business sense, a smile is one of the most effective means to generate sales and develop customer loyalty. On top of all that, a smile is a very simple and easy thing to do, so it amazes why no one bothers to do it, it not only makes the person in front of you better, but it also makes you feel better as well, and I’m not making this up, it has been psychologically proven. Personally, I’d like to see more smiling faces in this world; in the airports when I enter a new country, in companies, government agencies, restaurants, hotels, banks, everywhere; and I think it is up to governments to campaign about this, and even make it obligatory in certain important places like airports, hospitals, hotels…etc. Let’s all simply smile.
英语的笑话3
谁的儿子最伟大
The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor'." The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'."
"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'.
" The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, " she said. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God'!"
四位牧师的母亲聚到一起谈论她们的儿子。“我的儿子是个教士，”第一位母亲自豪地说道，“他进入房间，人们都说，‘您好，阁下’。”
第二为母亲说：“我的儿子是位主教。他进入房间，人们都称，‘您好，大人’。” “我的儿子是位红衣主教，”第三位母亲接着说，“他走进房间，人们都说，‘您好，尊敬的`主教大人’。”
第四位母亲略思片刻。“我的儿子身高六英尺十，体重三百磅，”她说，“他要是走入房间，人们都说‘哦，我的上帝’!”
英语的笑话4
why is he howling.
他为什么喊
dentist: please stop howling. i haven't even touched your tooth yet.
牙医：请你不要再喊了!我还没碰你的'牙呢。
patient: i know, but you are standing on my foot!
病人：我知道，可是你正踩着我的脚呀!
英语的笑话5
Reason of Punishment 惩罚的原因
One day a little girl came home from school, and said to her mother, Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do.
The mother exclaimed, But that's terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way, what was it that you didn't do?
The little girl replied, My homework.
一天，小女孩从学校回到家里，对妈妈说：妈妈，今天在学校里我因为一件我没有做的事情而受到惩罚。
妈妈激动地说：那真是太可怕了!我要跟你的老师好好谈一谈，对了，你没有做过的.那件事是什么?
小女孩回答说：我的家庭作业。
英语的笑话6
who was the first man
谁是第一个男人
a teacher said to her class：
有个老师问班上的学生：
“who was the first man?”
“谁是第一个男人?”
“george washington，”a little boy shouted promptly.
“乔治·华盛顿，”一个小男孩当即叫道。
“how do you make out that george washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.
“你怎么知道乔治·华盛顿是第一个男人呢?”老师问道，宽容地微笑着。
“because，”said the little boy，“he was first in war，first in peace，and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”
小男孩说：“因为他是战时第一，和时第一，国人心中第一。”
but at this point a larger boy held up his hand.
英语的笑话7
多少钱?(中英)
It was winter, and Mrs. Hermann wanted to do a lot of shopping, so she waited until it was Saturday, when her husband was free, and she took him to the shops with her to pay for everything and to carry her parcels. They went to a lot of shops, and Mrs. Hermann bought a lot of things. She often stopped and said , "Look，Joe! Isn' t that beautiful !”
冬天就要来了，荷曼太太想采购一大堆的东西，所以她就一直等到周六丈夫有空的时候，她拖着他去商店付钱连带拎包裹。他们去了许多家商店，荷曼太太买了很多很多东西。她经常停下脚步说:“看，乔伊!那个多漂亮!”
He then answered, "All right, dear, How much is it?" And took his money out to pay for it.
他总是回答:“好吧!亲爱的，多少钱?”然后掏钱去付款。
It was dark when they came out of the last shop, and Mr. Hermann was tired and thinks about other things，like a nice drink by the side of warm fire at home. Suddenly his wife looked up at the sky and said, "Look at that beautiful moon, Joe!”
他们从最后一家商店出来的时候夜幕已降临，荷曼先生己累得筋疲力尽了，他心想着其他事情，比如，在家里暖暖的火炉边喝着美酒。突然他太太仰望天空，说道:“看，乔伊，多么美的.月亮啊!”
Without stopping, Mr. Hermann answered，"All right, dear, how much is it?”
荷曼先生不假思索地答道:“好吧，亲爱的，多少钱?”
英语笑话故事带翻译阅读
我这是在哪儿?(中英)
Nat lived in a small town in England. He always stayed in England for his holidays, but then last year he thought," I've never been outside this country. All my friends go to Spain, and they like it very much, so this year I’m going to go there too.
兰特住在英格兰的一座小镇上，假期总是呆在国内。但是去年，他想:“我从未出过国。我所有的朋友都去西班牙度假，都觉得那儿很不错，今年我也要去那儿一趟。”
First he went to Madrid and stayed in a small hotel for a few days. On the first morning he went out for a walk. In England people drive on the left, but in Spain they drive on the right. Nat forgot about this, and while he was crossing a busy street, a bicycle knocked him down.
他首先去了马德里，在一家小旅馆呆了几天。第一天上午，他出去逛逛。在英国，人们是靠左行驶，但在西班牙是靠右。兰特忘记了这点。他在过一条车辆拥挤的街道时，被一辆自行车撞倒在地。
Nat lay on the ground for a few seconds and then he sat up and said: "Where am I?" An old man was selling maps at the side of the street, and he at once came to Nat and said，..said, Map of the city, sir?"
兰特在地上躺了几秒钟，然后坐起来说:“我这是在哪儿?”一位老人正在街道旁边卖地图，他立即走到兰特跟前说:“买张交通图，先生?”
英语笑话故事带翻译学习
业余爱好(中英)
On my first day of law school at den Paul university in Chicago，our professor instructed us to write down our name, phone number and hobbies, he explained that he wanted the information so he could notify us of any changes in class time or assignments.
我在芝加哥德保罗大学法学院上学的第一天，教授让我们写下自己的姓名，电话号码和业余爱好。他解释说他想了解这些信息，这样万一上课的时间有变动或者有什么作业，他就可以通知我们。
"So why do you want our hobbies?" one student asked.
“那么你为什么要知道我们的业余爱好呢?”一名学生问道。
"I'll give these sheets back to you at the end of the year,” he said. "This way you can remember what you used to do when you had free time.”
“我会在这一学年结束时将这些东西还给你们。”他说，“这样你们就能想起过去有空闲的时间都曾做些什么。”
英语的笑话8
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
一个人正在看报纸，他的妻子走到他身后，用一只煎锅敲他的后脑勺。
He asks, What was that for?
他问道：“干什么？”
She says, I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it.
她说：“我在你口袋里发现了一张写有‘Betty Sue’的纸条。”
He says, Jeez, honey, 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I bet on. She shrugs and walks away.
他说：“哎呀，亲爱的.，‘Betty Sue’是我赌的那匹马的名字。”她耸了耸肩，走了。
Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
三天后他正在看报纸，妻子走到他身后，又用一只煎锅敲他的后脑勺。
He asks, What was that for?
他问：“又干嘛？”
She answers, Your horse called.
她答道：“你的马打电话来了。”
英语的笑话9
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的'。你说呢？
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。
英语的笑话10
在四年多的留学生涯中，笔者曾在生活实践中亲身领略过“好几国”英语。但最为回味无穷，常令人拍案叫绝的英语还要看咱们中式英语。
影响最大，也最经典的例子是“Long time no see”，意为“好久不见。早期去美国务工的华人并无英语语法方面的常识，于是想当然地按照中文语法生造出了这么一句问候语。而经过长期使用，美国人民颇为接受这样一个不合语法的短语，认为它简单明了，吐字又清晰方便。因此，这句中式短语堂而皇之地进入了英语的主流。如今我在国外与久未谋面的朋友相聚时，此句是必作开头儿的。
说完正面形象，我们当然就要谈谈反面典型了。第一个反面例子经常出现在买东西的场景里。我们中国人买什么东西时习惯说，给我来个这个，递我一个那个，比如：给我来包万宝路。我的一个同学第一次从国内过来时刚下飞机就在机场闹了笑话。他冲着机场商店里的店员说：“Give me a Marlboro(给我个万宝路)。”这种句式只有在歹徒抢劫商店时才会出现。店员当时冷汗就下来了，幸亏他身边的经理头脑灵活，问道：“Do you mean you want to buy a Marlboro(你是说你想买包万宝路吗？”我们同学感觉这个经理真“莫名其妙”，心里话：“我不买还能抢埃”于是点头说“yes yes!”
其实这类句子正确的表达应该是：“May I have something, please?”
第二个“反面教材”就是我们北方人常吃的面条，我们中国学生通常管它叫noodles。可当我初次来到国外时发现在超市里根本没有 “noodles”这种东西。面条的英语标名是pasta，或者spaghetti。noodles通常是指给小孩子吃的.细小绣密的面条。
第三个需要纠正的中式用法也是关于吃的，确切地说是关于吃后的感觉。我们中国学生遇到什么好吃的东西，经常就是将其评论为 “delicious”。其实这个delicious是很正式的用法，平时外国老百姓说话基本不用。他们用的通常是tasty，或者就是一句简单的 good，高度概括了。我宿舍附近有家比萨饼店招牌上的广告语就是“Damn tasty”，直接翻译过来就是“该死的好吃”！您说他们都多狠吧，可是再狠我也没听说有谁用“damn delicious”的。
最后附送读者两个小笑话。第一个是我自己的。刚来这边
留学时有一次聚餐吃的是小羊排。转天有个没去的外国同学问我吃了什么，我张嘴就来了 “lamp”。 lamp和羊排lamb只差一个字母，可意义想去甚远，乃是管灯的意思。那个外国同学一时惊叹，下意识地看了看
天花板上的大灯，心里大概在合计：这哥们儿牙口真棒！
第二个还是我同学的，有一天此君在自家厨房做饭，一个外国朋友打电话找他，问他在哪里。他不假思索地回答“I am in the chicken”。其实他肯定是想说“I am in the kitchen”。这一疏忽不要紧，没想到把自己变进公鸡的肚子里去了。
英语的笑话11
不会犯两次同样的错误
Boy: Hi, didn't we go on dates before? Onec or twice?
Girl: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.
男孩：嗨，我们之前是不是约会过，是一次还是两次，我忘记了。
女孩：应该只有一次吧，我从不犯两次同样的错误。
英语的`笑话12
我没有把药吃下去
A fellow who was rather slow on the uptake had been suffering from constipation, so the doctor provided him with some suppositories.
有位理解能力相当迟缓的.老兄一直为便秘所苦，因此医生给他一些利肠的栓剂。
A week later, the patient came back to tell the doctor that his condition had not improved.
一星期后病人回来告诉医生，他的状况尚未改进。
"I'm amazed," said the doctor. " Have you been taking the medicine I prescribed for you?"
“我觉得好奇怪，”医生说。“你有没有采用我开给你的药方呢?”
"What do you think I've been doing, shoving it up my ass?"
“你以为我做什么呢?难道要我把它们都塞进屁股里吗?”
英语的笑话13
送给妈妈的礼物
Three sons discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, "Ibuilt a big house for our mother."The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."Thethird smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. Remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible?And you know she can't see very well. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entireBible. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it." Soonthereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks. She wrote one son, "the house you built isso huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." She wrote to another, "I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use theMercedes." "Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to knowwhat your mother likes. The chicken was delicious."
三个儿子商量给年迈的妈妈买什么礼物好。 大儿子说，“我给妈妈建一幢大房子。”二儿子说，“我给她买一辆奔驰。”三儿子笑着说，“你们的礼物都不好。还记得妈妈多喜欢读圣经吗?现在她视力不大好看不了了。我送她一只鹦鹉，会背诵圣经的.。妈妈只要起个头，它就可以接着背下去。” 不久之后，妈妈分别给三人发了感谢信。她给大儿子写道，“你建的房子太大了，我只能住一间屋，可是要打扫整幢房子的卫生。”她给二儿子写道，“我太老了，没法出门旅行。大部分时间呆在家里，很少用车。”“亲爱的，”她跟小儿子说，“妈妈的心思你最明白，那只小鸟的味道美极了。”
英语的笑话14
Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar，I got into an argument with a prospective customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at 35 cents. Other paperbacks were selling for 10 or 15 cents each.
在教堂的义卖市上卖旧书时，我与一名准备买东西的顾客发生了一场争论。他对购买袖珍《奥金·纳什集》颇感兴趣，但是说它要三十五美分开价过高。其他的平装书每本才卖十戴十五美分。
I pointed out that the book was in good condition. Nash was a fun poet，and it was for a good cause. He said it was a matter of principle.Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents. Triumphant，he paid with a $10 bill.“Keep the change，”he said.
我指出这本书保存状况颇好，纳什是个有趣的诗人，这个要价是合理的。他说这是个原则问题。最终，我同意以十五美分的价格将这本书卖给他。他得意洋洋，掌出一张十美元的'票子付账。“零钱不用找了。”他说。
英语的笑话15
When my printer's type began to go faint, I called a repair shop where a friendly man told me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.
Because the shop charged 50 pounds for such cleanings, he told me, it would be better for me to read the printer's directions and try the job myself.
Pleasantly surprised by his words, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"
"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to repair things themselves first."
由于我的打印机不能打印出清晰的字来，我就打电话给维修部。电话是一位非常和蔼的男人接的.，他说我的打印机也许只是需要清理一下。
他还说，如果让维修部清理的话要交50英镑的清理费，让我最好看看使用手册自己试着清理。
当时我真的被他的话感动了，就问他：“你们老板知道你这样拒绝生意么？”
“事实上，这就是我们老板的主意，”雇员答道：“因为如果我们让用户先自行修理打印机的话就能挣更多的钱。”
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