(经典)英语的笑话15篇
英语的笑话1
Turning over
Nurse: oh my god! The patient who has been treated fell down at the gate of our hospital andbecame faint. The police officer is coming!
Doctor: Take it easy. Just turn him over and make that he was walking towards the hospital.
翻个个
护士：不好了，刚接受治疗的病人在医院门口摔倒晕了过去。警察马上就到。 医生：别着急。把他翻个个，弄出他往医院走的`样子。 大学英语小笑话带翻译篇4
Headache
"I have a bad headache. I'll visit the doctor."
"Nonsense, yesterday I had a headache, I dashed home, gave a kiss to my wife and the paindisappeared. Why don't you try it?"
"Good idea, call up your wife and tell her I'll be right over."
头疼
“我头疼的厉害，要去看看医生了。”
“胡说八道，昨天我也头疼，我冲回家吻了妻子一下，马上不疼了，要不你也试试?”
“好主意，给你妻子打个电话，说我马上就到。”
英语的笑话2
It's a fine sunny day in the forest, and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.这是一个阳光灿烂的晴朗日子，森林里一只小兔子坐在洞穴外，在打字机上敲敲打打。这时一只散步的狐狸走了过来。
Fox: "What are you working on?"狐狸：“你在做什么呢？”
Rabbit: "My thesis."兔子：“写我的论文。”
Fox: "Hmmm. What's it about?"狐狸：“唔，是关于什么的？”
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."兔子：“噢，我在写兔子是怎样吃掉狐狸的。”
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes."狐狸：“你太搞笑了吧！谁都知道兔子不吃狐狸。”
Rabbit: "Sure they do, and I can prove it. Come with me."兔子：“兔子当然吃，我能证明的。跟我来。”
They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After a few minutes, the rabbit returns, alone, to his typewriter and resumes typing.它们一起消失在兔子的洞穴里，几分钟后只有兔子独自出来了。它回到打字机前继续敲打。
Soon, a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.很快，一只狼走了过来，停下看着兔子奋力工作。
Wolf: "What's that you're writing?"狼：“你在写什么呢？”
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."兔子：“我在写论文，关于兔子如何吃掉狼。”
Wolf: "You don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"狼：“你不会指望这种垃圾论文被发表吧！”
Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"兔子：“能发表，你想知道为什么吗？”
The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow, and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.兔子和狼一起进了洞穴，而兔子又一次独自走了出来。几分钟后它继续打字。
Inside the rabbit's burrow: In one corner, there is a pile of fox bones. In another corner, a pile of wolf bones. On the other side of the room, a huge lion is belching and picking his teeth.兔子洞穴里：一个角落里是一堆狐狸骨头，另一角落里是一堆狼骨头。而另一侧是一只狮子，它边打着饱嗝，边剔着牙齿。
It doesn't matter what you choose for a thesis subject.论文的'题目选什么无关紧要。
It doesn't matter what you use for data.你用什么作为例证数据也无关紧要。
What does matter is who you have for a thesis advisor.真正重要的是：你的论文导师是谁！
哈哈，最后只是博大家一笑，论文还是要自己好好写！
英语的笑话3
Baby bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table .
熊宝宝走到楼下坐在他的小餐桌椅上。
He looks into his small bowl.It is empty!
他窥探着他的小碗。碗是空的。
"Who's been eating my porrodge?"he squeaks .
他吱吱叫说：“谁吃了我的麦片粥?”
Daddy bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chiar.
熊爸爸来到桌边坐在他的太椅子上。
He looks into his big bowl .It is also empty!
他窥探着他的大碗.碗也是空的。
"Who is been eating my porridge?"he roars .
他太声吼叫说：“谁吃了我的麦片粥?”
Mummy bear puts her head though the serving hatch from the kitchen and scream .
熊妈妈把她的头从厨房的端菜口伸出来尖声叫着：
"For God's sake,how many time do we have to go though this? I haven't made the porridge yet!"
“看在老天的份上，我们还得忍受这样子多少次呢?我还没做麦片粥啦!”
A man walks into a confession booth and says,"I have sinned."
有一个男人走进告解室说：“我犯罪了”。
"What did you do?"asks the priest.
神父 问 ：“你做了什么?”
"I committed a murder."
“我犯了谋杀罪”
The priest says,"take a drink out of the holy cup and you will be forgiven."
神父说：“你喝一口圣杯的`圣水，你就得饶恕。”
A man walks into the confession booth and says ,"I have sinned."
有一个男人走进告解室说：“我犯罪了”。
The priest asks him ,"what did you do?"
神父问他： “你做了什么?”
"I robbed six banks."
“我抢了六家银行”
The priest says, "take a drink out of the holy cup and you will be forgiven."
神父说：“你喝一口圣杯的圣水，你就得饶恕。”
Another man walks into the confession booth and says ," I have sinned ."
另一个男人走进告解室说：“我犯罪了”。
" What did you do?" asks the priest,
神父问：“你做了什么?”
"I broke the holy cup."
“我把圣杯打破了”。
A dog owner claimed that his pet, when given money, would go to the news stall to buy apaper. His friend insisted on a demonstration and handed the dog some money - The dogtrotted off, but an hour later he had still not returned with the paper.
"How much did you give him?" asked the owner.
"Five dollars.
"Well, that explains it. When you give him five dollars, he goes to a movie."
一位养狗人宣称：要是给了爱犬钱，它便会到卖报亭买份报纸来。他的朋友坚持要来个演示，并给了狗一些钱。狗一溜小跑着去了。但一个小时过去了，仍不见它带报纸回来。
“你给了它多少钱?”狗的主人问。
“五元。”
“这就是了。你给它五元钱时，它就去看电影。”
英语的笑话4
A tourist was visiting New Mexico and was amazed at the dinosaur bones lying about.
"How old are these bones?" the tourist asked an elderly Native American, who served as a guide.
"Exactly one hundred million and three years old.
"How can you be so sure?" inquired the tourist.
"Well," replied the guide, " a geologist came by here and told me these bones were one hundred million years old, and that was exactly three years ago.
一位游客在新墨西哥游览。他对随处可见的恐龙化石甚感惊奇。
“这些化石有多长的'历史？”游客问一个上了年纪的当地美国人。他是作向导的。
“整整十亿零三年了。”“你怎么这么肯定？”游客问道。
向导回答道，“一个地质学家来过这儿，他告诉我说这些化石有十亿年了，再加上那是整整三年前的事了。”
英语的笑话5
In England nobody under the age of eighteen is allowed to drink in a public bar.
Mr. Thompson used to go to a bar near his house quite often，but he never took his son，Tom，because he was too young. Then when Tom had his eighteenth birthday， Mr.Thompson took him to his usual bar for the first time.They drank for half an hour，and then Mr.Thompson said to his son，“Now， Tom，I want to teach you a useful lesson.You must always be careful not to drink too much. And how do you know when you've had enough？ Well， I'll tell you.Do you see those two lights at the end of the bar？ When they seem to have become four，you've had enough and should go home.”
“But， Dad，” said Tom，“I can only see one light at the end of the bar.”
在英国，十八岁以下的人不准进酒吧喝酒。
汤普森先生以前常常去他家附近的一个酒吧喝酒，但他从来不带他的儿子汤姆去，因为他年纪太小。后来，当汤姆年满十八岁的`时候，汤普森先生第一次带他去他常去的那家酒吧。他们喝了半个小时，而后，汤普森先生对他儿子说：“汤姆，现在我要告诉你一个有益的教训。你必须时时小心不要喝得太多。你怎么知道你喝够了呢？好，我来告诉你。你看见酒吧那头有两盏灯吗？当那两盏灯看起来变成四盏的时候，你就喝够了，应该回家了。
“可是，爸爸。”汤姆说：“在酒吧那头我只能看见一盏灯。”
英语的笑话6
你说什么?
Moe, Larry and Curly had been stranded on a desert island. They were walking alongdisconsolately when Moe happened to kick a bottle lying in the sand. The bottle broke and agenie suddenly emerged before them.
莫伊、赖利和卷毛因船触礁搁浅而被困在一个无人荒岛上，他们寂寞无助地沿岸边走着，这时莫伊踢到沙滩上一只瓶子，那只瓶子破了后，突然出现一个精灵。
"Thank you. oh Masters, for releasing me from my captivity. For your kindness, please allow meto grant you each a wish. "
“谢谢你们从囚禁我的瓶子中把我放出来，我的主人。为了报答你们的.恩惠，请让我为每位实现一个愿望。”
"Well, it's not too difficult to figure out what I want," said Moe. "I wish I were back home. "
“哦，我的愿望很容易想出来，”莫伊说。“我希望我能回到家里。”
No sooner had he said the words than he was back in dear old Brooklyn.
话一说完，莫伊就已在他可爱的布鲁克林老家中。
"I want to be back home, too," said I Larry, and he, too, was instantly transported.
“我也想回家，”赖利说，他马上也就被送走了。
" Gee, it's alone some here without Moe and Larry," said Curly. "I wish they were here to keepme company. "
“唉，没有莫伊和赖利，一个人在这里真无聊，”卷毛说。“我希望他们能回到这里陪伴我。”
英语的笑话7
Akimbo (叉腰)
Just like most of other kids, aged two Emilia didn' t like washing hands──she' s always wiping the dirt off hands on her clothes. One day I accompanied her to have fried cicadae(蝉). Habitually she rubbed her grease fingers on her real silk short gown. I held back (阻挡) her from doing it: " What do you want to do?" She was immediately on to (意识)her blame, replied at ease(从容): " I' m akimbo."
像大多数别的`小孩一样，两岁艾咪丽雅不爱洗手，吃东西弄脏手，随便在身上一抹就得了。一天我正陪她吃炸知了，她手上的油多了，便习惯地往真丝小褂子上蹭，我阻止道：“你想干什么?”她马上意识到问题所在，从容答道：“我叉腰。”
英语的笑话8
谁在打架? Who was fighting?
Who was fighting?
谁在打架?
Mother: Freddie, why is your face so red?
Freddie: I was running up the street to stop a fight.
Mother: That's a very nice thing to do. Who was fighting?
Freddie: Me and Jackie Smith.
妈妈：弗雷迪，你的脸为什么那么红?
弗雷迪：我刚才在大街上跑，为的是阻止一次打架。
妈妈：你做的对，谁和谁在打架。
雷迪：我和杰克·史密斯。
英语的.笑话9
1、A big black bug bit a big black bear, made the big black bear bleed blood。
大黑虫咬大黑熊，大黑熊流血了！
2、A bloke’s back bike brake block broke。
一个家伙的脚踏车后制动器坏了。
3、A bitter biting bittern bit a better brother bittern, and the bitter better bittern bit the bitter bittern back. And the bitter bittern, bitten, by the better bitten bittern, said: “I’m a bitter biter bit, alack!”
一只沮丧而尖刻的麻鹊咬了它兄弟一口，而没有它那么沮丧的兄弟又咬它一口。那只被咬的沮丧麻鹊对它的兄弟说：“我是一只充满怨恨的麻鹊！我害人终害己了！”
4、 How many cookies could a good cook cook if a good cook could cook cookies? A good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies.
如果一个好的厨师能做小甜饼，那么他能做多少小甜饼呢？一个好的厨师能做出和其它好厨师一样多的小甜饼。
5、 The driver was drunk and drove the doctor's car directly into the deep ditch.
这个司机喝醉了，他把医生的车开进了一个大深沟里。
6、Whether the weather be fine or whether the weather be not.Whether the weather be cold or whether the weather be hot.We'll weather the weather whether we like it or not.
无论是晴天或是阴天。 无论是冷或是暖， 不管喜欢与否，我们都要经受风霜雨露。
7、 Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?
彼德派柏捏起一撮泡菜。 彼德派柏捏起的是一撮泡菜。 那么彼德派捏起的泡菜在哪儿？
8、I thought a thought. But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought. If the thought I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.
我有一种想法，但是我的'这种想法不是我曾经想到的那种想法。如果这种想法是我曾经想到的想法，我就不会想那么多了。
9、 Amid the mists and coldest frosts, With barest wrists and stoutest boasts, He thrusts his fists against the posts, And still insists he sees the ghosts.
雾蒙蒙，冰霜冻， 手腕儿空空，话儿涌， 只见他猛所拳头往柱子上砸， 直说自己把鬼碰。(.)
英语的笑话10
saying a prayer for his christmas meal圣诞节晚宴上的餐前祷告
lee, a seven-year-old boy, was asked to say thanks for the christmas dinner. the family members bowed their heads in expectation. lee began his prayer, thanking god for his mommy, daddy, brothers, sister, grandma, and all his aunts and uncles. then he began to thank god for the food.
有个小男孩叫lee, 今年七岁，圣诞节晚餐开桌前，家人让他做餐前祷告。家人都带着期待的申请低头看着他，lee开始做他得祷告，首先，他谢谢上帝赐予他爸爸妈妈，哥哥姐姐诶，奶奶还有他们家的所有叔叔婶婶。然后，他开始感谢上帝赐予他得圣诞节晚餐了。
he gave thanks for the turkey, the stuffing, the christmas pudding, even the cranberry sauce. then lee paused, and everyone waited ... and waited. after a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "if i thank god for the brussels sprouts, won't he know that i'm lying?"
他感谢上帝赐予他火鸡，馅儿饼，圣诞布丁和红莓酱。然后lee停下来了 ，大家等啊等啊……lee沉默了很长时间，然后抬起头看着他妈妈说：“妈妈，如果我感谢上帝赐予我甘蓝菜，他会知道我在撒谎吗?”
p.s:
国外很多小孩子都不喜欢吃甘蓝菜，不知道为什么，看《绝望主妇》里面lynette家的`双胞胎就非常讨厌吃甘蓝菜，请了保姆后还拿这个来做实验，看看她们家保姆有没有魅力让两个小鬼头把甘蓝菜吃下去。
英语的笑话11
少了一品脱
A tourist passing through South Dakota stopped at a blood bank to make a donation. Afterward，he was resting on a cot and saw another donor, who appeared to be a Native American.
有个旅行者在穿越南达科这州时，在一家肤血站献了血.献血后他坐在一张小床上休息。这时，他见到另一个人前来献血.那个人看起来好像是美国的本土人。这个旅行家于是就和他攀谈起来。“你是不是住在路那边的'苏族印地安人保护区?”
The tourist struck up a conversation and asked,”Do you live on the Sioux reservation up the road?"
“没错儿。”那人回答.
"Yes，"the man replied.
“你是百分之百血统的苏族印地安人吗?”
"Are you a full-blooded Sioux?"
“噢，不能完全这么说?. "那人说:“我现在就缺少了一品脱的血.”
"Well，actually，no，"said the man. "Right now I'm a pint low. "
英语的笑话12
As the taxi came to a screeching halt at a traffic light,
当出租车在遇到红灯急刹车时，
I asked the driver, "Do you agree that 'Time is money'?"
我问司机：“你同意‘时间就是金钱’这种说法吗?”
"Well, it's a very common saying.“
哦，这是一个普遍说法。
Who will care so much about that?" the driver answered.
在这个问题上，谁会在意那么多呢?”司机回答说。
"Look, the digits in the meter are still running when the car has stopped, "I pointed at the meter.“
看，在车已经停止的情况下，里程表上的数字还在跑。”我指着里程表说。
"Oh, yes. You've got a point here.“
哦，是的。你说的'挺有道理的。
In this case, time is money for both of us." added the driver.
在这种情况下，时间对我们俩来说都是金钱。”司机补充说。
英语的笑话13
Seth Smith was reckoned the laziest man in town． Sotired had the authoritiesbecome of contributing to his supportthat they decided to consign him to a living tomb．
Accordingly he was prepared for burial． The hearse was an old ramshacklecountry wagon． As the strange cortege moved along some old residentasked，“Who is it？” “Why，Seth Smith， who is too lazy to get anything to liveon， so we are going to bury him alive．” “I'll give him a bushel of corn，” said one．“And I will，”said another． Slowly raising his head， Seth asked：“Is the corn shelled，neighbor？” “No，you must do that yourself．” Gently replacing his head， he said：“ Drive on， boys，drive on．”
塞思·史密斯被公认为镇上头号懒人。长官们实在懒得再供养他，便决定把他送进一个天然坟墓里去。
于是他被准备着去埋葬，灵车是一辆摇摇晃晃的乡下旧马车。正当这列奇怪的.送葬队伍在行进时，一些老街坊问道：“这是谁啊？”“唉，塞思·史密斯，他懒得没法活了，我们这就去把他活埋。”“我来给他一蒲式耳谷子吧，”一个人说。“我也给，”另一个说。 塞思慢慢抬起头来问道：“谷子脱粒了吗，街坊？” “没有，你得自己来。”他缓缓把头放回原处说：“接着走吧，孩子们，接着走吧。”
英语的笑话14
多少钱?(中英)
It was winter, and Mrs. Hermann wanted to do a lot of shopping, so she waited until it was Saturday, when her husband was free, and she took him to the shops with her to pay for everything and to carry her parcels. They went to a lot of shops, and Mrs. Hermann bought a lot of things. She often stopped and said , "Look，Joe! Isn' t that beautiful !”
冬天就要来了，荷曼太太想采购一大堆的东西，所以她就一直等到周六丈夫有空的时候，她拖着他去商店付钱连带拎包裹。他们去了许多家商店，荷曼太太买了很多很多东西。她经常停下脚步说:“看，乔伊!那个多漂亮!”
He then answered, "All right, dear, How much is it?" And took his money out to pay for it.
他总是回答:“好吧!亲爱的，多少钱?”然后掏钱去付款。
It was dark when they came out of the last shop, and Mr. Hermann was tired and thinks about other things，like a nice drink by the side of warm fire at home. Suddenly his wife looked up at the sky and said, "Look at that beautiful moon, Joe!”
他们从最后一家商店出来的时候夜幕已降临，荷曼先生己累得筋疲力尽了，他心想着其他事情，比如，在家里暖暖的火炉边喝着美酒。突然他太太仰望天空，说道:“看，乔伊，多么美的月亮啊!”
Without stopping, Mr. Hermann answered，"All right, dear, how much is it?”
荷曼先生不假思索地答道:“好吧，亲爱的，多少钱?”
英语笑话故事带翻译阅读
我这是在哪儿?(中英)
Nat lived in a small town in England. He always stayed in England for his holidays, but then last year he thought," I've never been outside this country. All my friends go to Spain, and they like it very much, so this year I’m going to go there too.
兰特住在英格兰的.一座小镇上，假期总是呆在国内。但是去年，他想:“我从未出过国。我所有的朋友都去西班牙度假，都觉得那儿很不错，今年我也要去那儿一趟。”
First he went to Madrid and stayed in a small hotel for a few days. On the first morning he went out for a walk. In England people drive on the left, but in Spain they drive on the right. Nat forgot about this, and while he was crossing a busy street, a bicycle knocked him down.
他首先去了马德里，在一家小旅馆呆了几天。第一天上午，他出去逛逛。在英国，人们是靠左行驶，但在西班牙是靠右。兰特忘记了这点。他在过一条车辆拥挤的街道时，被一辆自行车撞倒在地。
Nat lay on the ground for a few seconds and then he sat up and said: "Where am I?" An old man was selling maps at the side of the street, and he at once came to Nat and said，..said, Map of the city, sir?"
兰特在地上躺了几秒钟，然后坐起来说:“我这是在哪儿?”一位老人正在街道旁边卖地图，他立即走到兰特跟前说:“买张交通图，先生?”
英语笑话故事带翻译学习
业余爱好(中英)
On my first day of law school at den Paul university in Chicago，our professor instructed us to write down our name, phone number and hobbies, he explained that he wanted the information so he could notify us of any changes in class time or assignments.
我在芝加哥德保罗大学法学院上学的第一天，教授让我们写下自己的姓名，电话号码和业余爱好。他解释说他想了解这些信息，这样万一上课的时间有变动或者有什么作业，他就可以通知我们。
"So why do you want our hobbies?" one student asked.
“那么你为什么要知道我们的业余爱好呢?”一名学生问道。
"I'll give these sheets back to you at the end of the year,” he said. "This way you can remember what you used to do when you had free time.”
“我会在这一学年结束时将这些东西还给你们。”他说，“这样你们就能想起过去有空闲的时间都曾做些什么。”
英语的笑话15
1. Nurse: "Don't you like your new baby sister, Johnny?"
保姆：“约翰尼，你不喜欢新出生的小妹妹吗？”
Johnny: "She's all right, but I wish she had been a boy. Willie Smith had just got a new sister, and now he'll think I'm trying to copy him"
约翰尼：“她还可以，但他要是一个男孩就好了。威利史密斯刚有一个新出生的小妹妹，现在他会认为我是想跟他学样。”
2. Mickey refused to take the medicine, so his mother swashed him and said, "Hurry to take it down, or I'll call the police."
米奇拒绝吃药，于是他的妈妈吓唬他说：“赶快吃下去，不然我就去叫警察。”
"Does the police like to take the medicine, mama?" Mickey asked curiously.
“妈妈，警察喜欢吃药吗？”米奇好奇地问道。
3. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.
在去幼儿园的.路上，一个医生把听诊器留在了车座上。她的小女儿拿起听诊器玩了起来。
"My daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!" thought the doctor.
“女儿想接我的班！”医生想道。
Then the child spoke into the instrument, "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"
接着，小女孩对着听诊器说道：“欢迎光临麦当劳。您要点什么？”
4. A boy had eaten a lot of cookies, but he wanted more.
一个男孩吃了很多饼干，但还想吃。
His father said to him, "Don't eat any more, or your stomach will explode."
他的父亲对他说：“不要再吃了，不然你的肚子就会爆炸。”
The boy said, "Never mind. When I'm eating once again, you can stand aside."
男孩说：“不要紧。我再吃时，你可以躲开。”
5. It was so late. Frank lay in bed and demanded his mother to peel the apple for him.
天很晚了。弗兰克躺在床上，要妈妈给他削苹果吃。
"It's so late, sonny, that apples have already gone to bed."
“孩子，太晚了，苹果已经睡觉了。”
"No, they won't, mama. The small apples may have gone to bed, but the big ones mustn't."
“不，不会的，妈妈。小苹果可能睡了，但大苹果一定没有睡。”
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