(热)英语小笑话15篇

英语小笑话1

　　As the mother of three small children born two years apart, I'm often very tired in the evening. Their father and I have set strict rules that after stories，prayers, one drink and the bathroom scene，they must go to bed and stay there.

(热)英语小笑话15篇

　　One night，after a particularly trying day，all three were finally tucked in and I headed to the kitchen for some cookies，milk and solitude. I had just started to relax when I was surrounded by three little people，standing there watching me eat. Turning to their father I asked，"Do we relent or stick with the rules?"

　　Our three-year-old piped up，”Stick with the rules,Mom. "

　　Knowing she didn't really want to be sent back to bed,I asked，"And what are the rules，Mellisa?"

　　"Share with one another,"she replied.

英语小笑话2

　　In England nobody under the age of eighteen is allowed to drink in a public bar.

　　Mr. Thompson used to go to a bar near his house quite often，but he never took his son，Tom，because he was too young. Then when Tom had his eighteenth birthday， Mr.Thompson took him to his usual bar for the first time.They drank for half an hour，and then Mr.Thompson said to his son，“Now， Tom，I want to teach you a useful lesson.You must always be careful not to drink too much. And how do you know when you've had enough？ Well， I'll tell you.Do you see those two lights at the end of the bar？ When they seem to have become four，you've had enough and should go home.”

　　“But， Dad，” said Tom，“I can only see one light at the end of the bar.”

　　在英国，十八岁以下的人不准进酒吧喝酒。

　　汤普森先生以前常常去他家附近的一个酒吧喝酒，但他从来不带他的`儿子汤姆去，因为他年纪太小。后来，当汤姆年满十八岁的时候，汤普森先生第一次带他去他常去的那家酒吧。他们喝了半个小时，而后，汤普森先生对他儿子说：“汤姆，现在我要告诉你一个有益的教训。你必须时时小心不要喝得太多。你怎么知道你喝够了呢？好，我来告诉你。你看见酒吧那头有两盏灯吗？当那两盏灯看起来变成四盏的时候，你就喝够了，应该回家了。

　　“可是，爸爸。”汤姆说：“在酒吧那头我只能看见一盏灯。”

英语小笑话3

　　Some businessmen were talking about advertising on tv excitedly. As none of them had ever done it before, every one had his point of view。

　　At this moment, Mr. Grey came by. grey was a car dealer and he had once made an advertisement。

　　"What are you talking about?" Mr. Grey asked。

　　"Does advertisement work or not?" one of the businessmen asked。

　　"Oh, yes, it works very fast," Mr. Grey said. " I once advertised for my watch-dog and offered a reward of $100."

　　"Did you get the dog back?"

　　"No, but that very night three of my cars were stolen."

　　一群商人正热烈地讨论在电视上做广告。他们中没有人做过，所以每个人都有自己的想法。

　　此时，格雷先生进来了。格雷是一个汽车经销商，他曾经做过一次广告。

　　“你们在讨论什么?”格雷先生问。

　　“广告有用不?”其中一位商人问。

　　“噢，有用，而且见效非常快。”格雷先生说，“我曾经发布了一条广告，要花100美金寻找一条丢失的看门狗。”

　　“你的狗找到了吗?”

　　“没，但是那个晚上我的'三辆车被偷走了。”

英语小笑话4

　　Father: Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.

　　Susie: That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!

　　父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。

　　苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。

英语小笑话5

　　A guy goes to visit his grandma and he brings his friend with him.

　　While he's talking to his grandma, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.

　　As they're leaving, his friend says to his grandma, "Thanks for the peanuts."

　　She says, "Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off."

　　一名男子带着朋友去探望他的祖母。

　　当他和祖母聊天时，他的朋友开始吃咖啡桌上放的花生，并把花生都给吃光了。

　　他们离开时，他的.朋友对祖母说:"谢谢您的花生。"

　　结果祖母说:"唉！自从我牙齿掉光后，我就只能吮掉花生豆外层的巧克力了。"

英语小笑话6

　　why is he howling.

　　他为什么喊

　　dentist: please stop howling. i haven't even touched your tooth yet.

　　牙医：请你不要再喊了!我还没碰你的牙呢。

　　patient: i know, but you are standing on my foot!

　　病人：我知道，可是你正踩着我的脚呀!

英语小笑话7

　　你说什么?

　　Moe, Larry and Curly had been stranded on a desert island. They were walking alongdisconsolately when Moe happened to kick a bottle lying in the sand. The bottle broke and agenie suddenly emerged before them.

　　莫伊、赖利和卷毛因船触礁搁浅而被困在一个无人荒岛上，他们寂寞无助地沿岸边走着，这时莫伊踢到沙滩上一只瓶子，那只瓶子破了后，突然出现一个精灵。

　　"Thank you. oh Masters, for releasing me from my captivity. For your kindness, please allow meto grant you each a wish. "

　　“谢谢你们从囚禁我的瓶子中把我放出来，我的.主人。为了报答你们的恩惠，请让我为每位实现一个愿望。”

　　"Well, it's not too difficult to figure out what I want," said Moe. "I wish I were back home. "

　　“哦，我的愿望很容易想出来，”莫伊说。“我希望我能回到家里。”

　　No sooner had he said the words than he was back in dear old Brooklyn.

　　话一说完，莫伊就已在他可爱的布鲁克林老家中。

　　"I want to be back home, too," said I Larry, and he, too, was instantly transported.

　　“我也想回家，”赖利说，他马上也就被送走了。

　　" Gee, it's alone some here without Moe and Larry," said Curly. "I wish they were here to keepme company. "

　　“唉，没有莫伊和赖利，一个人在这里真无聊，”卷毛说。“我希望他们能回到这里陪伴我。”

英语小笑话8

　　Once upon a time, in ancient China, the emperor was seriously ill. None of his esteemedphysicians could find a cure,until an ancient sage revealed that only the blood of a living Foobird could restore the imperial health.

　　很久很久以前在古老的中国，皇帝病得很重，所有德高望重的御医都没办法医治，直到后来才有一位智者透露，只有活福鸟的血才能恢复皇帝的健康。

　　Now the Foo bird was extremely rare, almost legendary,and the greatest hunters in the landwere assigned the task of capturing a specimen-but before they left on their quest, the ancientsage warned them that if one of them were fortunate enough to catch the bird, he should onno account clean or change his clothing till he had presented his prize to the emperor.

　　问题是福鸟本来就很少见，几乎只是传说而已，于是全国各地最好的猎人都被指派进行捕捉福鸟的工作。但在他们出发之前，那名智者警告他们，要是有人有幸捉到一只福鸟的话，无论如何在送到皇帝手中之前，绝不可以清洁或换掉身上的`衣服。

　　The hunters scoured the empire, and after several months, the greatest of them spotted amagnificent Foo perched high in a tree. Using all his skill, the huntsman snuck up on the birdand managed to seize it by the claws, but soon the startled creature left a huge odious blobofexcrement on the hunter's shoulder.

　　猎人们搜遍了整个帝国，几个月后，其中一名本领最好的猎人不经意看见了一只福鸟栖息在一棵树上。他用尽所有技巧偷偷接近那只福鸟并抓住了它的脚爪，但那只受到惊吓的福鸟马上在他的肩膀上拉了一大团臭气熏人的鸟粪。

　　Though the stench was almost unbearable,the woodsman remembered the sage's injunctionand carried his double burden all the way back to court. By that time, the odor had onlybecome worse, and thehunter was deeply embarrassed.Finally, he felt that he could not entertheemperor's presence in such a state, and wiped the offending substance from hisshoulder.

　　虽然臭味难当，但猎人仍记得智者的训示，便连同身上的鸟粪护送福鸟回宫。那时鸟粪的味道更难闻了，猎人也觉得非常尴尬。最后他觉得不能那个样子去见皇帝，于是他把肩膀上令人作呕的东西擦拭掉了。

　　Instantly, the Foo bird fell over dead, theemperor took a turn for the worse, and the hunterwas clapped in irons.And themoral of the story is: If the Foo shits,wear it!

　　就在那一刻福鸟便倒地身亡，皇帝的病情也更加恶化，而那名猎人则立刻被关进牢中。这个故事的寓意就是：“福鸟在你身上拉尿，你就扛着。”

英语小笑话9

　　A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to stop the monkey.The man asks the barman who owns the monkey. The barman replies the piano player. The man walks over to the piano player and says "Do you know your monkey stole my beer." The pianist replies "No, but if you hum it, I'll play it."

　　一男子去酒吧，点了一杯啤酒。他喝了一口放下。当他环视酒吧时，发现一只猴子荡下来，在他阻止之前，偷走了啤酒。该男子问酒吧招待，这只猴子是谁的`。服务员回答说是钢琴手的。男子走到钢琴手面前问：“你知道你的猴子偷了我的啤酒吗？”钢琴手回答说：“没有，但是如果你能哼唱，我会为你演奏的。”

英语小笑话10

　　Our manager at the restaurant where I worked was a much beloved, jovial man. But there was one subject you didn't dare discuss in front of him -- his height. or, should I say, his lack of it.One day, he stormed through the door and announced angrily, "Someone just picked my pocket!" Most of my fellow waitresses and I were speechless, except for the one who blurted out, "How could anyone stoop so low?"

　　我们的餐厅经理是一位深受大家爱戴，和蔼而又快乐的人。但在他面前有一件事不能提--他的身高。或者，我应该说，他是有点矮!一天，经理怒气冲冲地撞门而入，高声说，“有人拿了我的`钱包!”

　　我和其她大部女招待都没敢吱声，但有人却蹦出一句话：“哪有人能弯腰弯那么低的啊”!

英语小笑话11

　　A Girl's Name

　　When our daughter was born, we named her Myles, after my beloved late（已故的） father, despite family warning that the name was too masculine（男性的） .

　　Years later, when I felt she was old enough to understand, I explained to Myles, Your name is very special. I named you after my own father because I loved him very much. I know he would be proud of you.

　　Myles thought carefully about this and then said, I know all that, Mom. But I don't understand why my grandfather had a girl's name.

　　女孩的名字

　　女儿出生时，我们给她取名叫迈尔斯，和我深爱的也已过世的父亲同一个名字，不过家人提醒这个名字太男性化了。

　　几年以后，我觉得迈尔斯已经长大，能够懂事了。我对她解释说：你的名字很特别。我给你取了一个和我爸爸一样的'名字，因为我非常爱他。我相信他会为你而深感自豪的。

　　迈尔斯很仔细地想了一下，然后说道：这些我都懂，妈妈。可是我不知道外公为什么会有一个女孩子的名字。

英语小笑话12

　　who was the first man

　　谁是第一个男人

　　a teacher said to her class：

　　有个老师问班上的学生：

　　“who was the first man?”

　　“谁是第一个男人?”

　　“george washington，”a little boy shouted promptly.

　　“乔治·华盛顿，”一个小男孩当即叫道。

　　“how do you make out that george washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.

　　“你怎么知道乔治·华盛顿是第一个男人呢?”老师问道，宽容地微笑着。

　　“because，”said the little boy，“he was first in war，first in peace，and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”

　　小男孩说：“因为他是战时第一，和时第一，国人心中第一。”

　　but at this point a larger boy held up his hand.

英语小笑话13

　　who was the first man? 谁是世界上第一个男人

　　a teacher said to her class:”who was the first man?”

　　一个老师问她的学生：“谁是世界上第一个男人”

　　“george washington,” a little boy shouted promptly.

　　一个小男孩立刻大声说：“乔治.华盛顿。”

　　“how do you make out that george washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.

　　老师带着宠溺的笑容问这个男生：“你如何证明乔治华盛顿是世界上第一个男人呢。”

　　“because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”

　　这个男孩子说：“因为，他是第一个挑起战争，第一个主张和平，并且是第一个深得民心的'人。”

英语小笑话14

　　律师、宝马和胳膊

　　A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

　　"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.

　　"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"

　　一个律师打开他的宝马车门，突然一辆汽车驶过来把门撞飞了，警察赶到现场，律师正痛苦地抱怨毁坏了他心爱的宝马。

　　“警察同志，看看他们把我的车弄的!!!”律师哀怨地说。

　　“你们律师真是物质至上，我很不舒服!”警察反驳说，“你这么关心你可恶的宝马，你可能没有注意到你的左胳膊也没了。”

　　律师终于注意到了血淋淋的左肩膀，“天哪，我的劳力士手表在哪儿?”

　　狗住旅店

　　A man wrote a letter to a small hotel he planned to visit on his vacation: "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

　　An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

　　一个人给一家他计划在假期里停留的'小旅馆写了封信，“我非常希望带着我的狗，它很干净很有教养，你能允许它和我睡一间屋子吗?”

　　旅馆主人立即回了封信，“我经营旅馆很多年了，狗从没偷过毛巾，床单，餐具，或者墙上的画。我也从没有在半夜因为狗喝醉胡闹而赶走它，狗也从不不付帐就跑掉。实际上我们非常欢迎您的狗来我们旅馆，如果它为您担保，也欢迎您来。

　　睡前祷告词

　　Juliewas saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "MakeNaples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy."

　　Hermother interrupted and said, "Julie, why do you want God to make Naplesthe capital of Italy?"

　　AndJulie replied, "Because that's what I put in my geography exam!"

　　朱莉叶在做睡前祷告。“祷告上帝，”她说，“让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。”

　　妈妈打断她说：“朱莉叶，你为什么求上帝让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都呢？”

　　朱莉叶回答说：“因为我在地理考卷上是这么写的。