英语阅读：如何维系永恒的婚姻

相关推荐

英语阅读：如何维系永恒的婚姻

　　Challenges to a Lasting Relationship

英语阅读：如何维系永恒的婚姻

　　Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil

　　"Of all the misconceptions about love, the most powerful and pervasive is the belief that falling in love is love or at least one of the manifestations of love." -- M. SCOTT PECK

　　People who are married or in committed relationships are healthier, wealthier, and happier. So why do more than 60 percent of marriages end in divorce? Why has the national divorce rate climbed more than 200 percent in the last thirty years? And why are fewer people getting married today than ever before?

　　The answers to these questions are plentiful, but the main reason is simple. Its easy to "fall" in love, but very few people know how to stay in love. Even though staying in love is our "smartest" choice all the way around! Recent studies on marriage prove its one of the major ingredients in life-long success for men and women. "

　　It lengthens life, substantially boosts physical and emotional health, and raises income over that of single or divorced people or those who live together," reported an article in the New York Times. Marriage has also been found to boost happiness, reduce the degree of depression, and provide protection from sexually transmitted diseases.

　　So lets wake up, make up, and turn this trend around! One of the most startling pieces of evidence that shows people are not in touch with whats really going on in their partnerships is the fact that the majority of people who file for divorce say they didnt think there was a relationship-threatening problem just six months prior to breaking up. Another shocker is that most couples wait six years or more to seek professional help when their relationship is in danger. By the time they do wake up and smell the coffee, its often too late.

　　Truly there is no reason to resign yourself to a bad relationship ? whether youre dating or married. Rather than changing partners and ending up this same predicament again, you can learn to have a fabulous relationship with the partner you already have! I strongly encourage you to make the relationship you have work, because there is a higher rate of divorce and adultery in second marriages.

　　Getting rid of your partner does not get rid of the problem, because half of the "problem" is yours. You can walk out on your marriage, but you cant run away from yourself, no matter how hard you try! Rather than blaming each other, couples can learn how to work as a team and coach each other through the troubled times and power struggles.

　　To do this, you must create a "safe" relationship so you can express your needs and fears and effectively resolve anger and conflict. More relationships break up because people dont know how to validate each other (that frustration escalates to become anger) than for any other reason. This is truly a shame, because the skills for "fighting fair" are very easy to master with just a little practice and patience.

　　One of the biggest causes of unresolved anger between people is a lack of understanding. Men and women have different strengths and weaknesses, different ways of expressing ourselves, and different "childhood wounds" that were trying to heal.

　　While it may seem like were from different planets we are actually very much alike when it comes to our need and desire for love and intimacy. We only behave differently in our quests for closeness. Stop doing what you think is "fair" or "right" and start doing what works! Its not about "working harder" its about "working smarter".

　　翻译：

　　持久关系的挑战

　　邦妮·艾克·威尔博士

　　“在所有关于爱的误解中，最强大、最普遍的是认为坠入爱河就是爱，或者至少是爱的一种表现形式。”——斯科特·派克先生

　　已婚或有固定关系的人更健康、更富有、更快乐。那么，为什么超过60%的婚姻以离婚告终呢?为什么全国的离婚率在过去的30年里攀升了200%以上?为什么现在结婚的人比以前少了?

　　这些问题的答案很多，但主要原因很简单。“陷入”爱情很容易，但很少有人知道如何保持爱情。尽管一直保持爱情是我们“最明智”的选择!最近对婚姻的研究表明，婚姻是男女终身成功的主要因素之一。”

　　《纽约时报》的一篇文章报道说:“与单身、离婚或同居的人相比，它能延长寿命，极大地促进身心健康，提高收入。”研究还发现，婚姻能提高幸福感，减少抑郁程度，并能预防性传播疾病。

　　所以，让我们醒来，弥补，扭转这一趋势!最令人吃惊的证据之一是，大多数提出离婚的人表示，在分手前六个月，他们并不认为存在威胁关系的问题。这一事实表明，人们并不了解他们的伴侣关系到底发生了什么。另一个令人震惊的是，大多数夫妻在他们的关系陷入危险时，会等上六年或更长时间才寻求专业帮助。等到他们真的醒过来，闻到咖啡味的时候，往往已经太晚了。

　　真的没有理由屈从于一段糟糕的关系吗?不管你是在约会还是结婚。你可以学着和你已经拥有的伴侣拥有一段美妙的关系，而不是换一个伴侣，然后再次陷入同样的困境。我强烈建议你们好好经营你们的关系，因为二次婚姻中离婚率和通奸率更高。

　　摆脱你的伴侣并不能解决问题，因为一半的“问题”是你的。你可以离开你的婚姻，但你不能逃离你自己，无论你多么努力!夫妻们可以学习如何作为一个团队合作，并在困难时期和权力斗争中相互指导，而不是互相指责。

　　要做到这一点，你必须建立一个“安全”的关系，这样你才能表达你的需求和恐惧，有效地解决愤怒和冲突。更多的关系破裂是因为人们不知道如何相互认可(沮丧升级为愤怒)，而不是其他原因。这真的很遗憾，因为“公平战斗”的技巧很容易掌握，只需要一点练习和耐心。

　　人与人之间无法解决的愤怒的最大原因之一是缺乏理解。男人和女人有不同的优点和缺点，表达自己的方式不同，我们试图治愈的“童年创伤”也不同。

　　虽然我们看起来像是来自不同的星球，但实际上，当涉及到我们对爱和亲密的需求和渴望时，我们非常相似。我们只是在追求亲密时表现不同。停止做你认为“公平”或“正确”的事情，开始做有用的事情!这不是关于“更努力地工作”，而是关于“更聪明地工作”。

【英语阅读：如何维系永恒的婚姻】相关文章：