托福满分作文模板

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托福满分作文模板

　　Why do youthink it is that people's lives are longer now?

　　老规矩，原句在前，解析在后，用方括号标出

　　A greaternumber of people are now hitting【用词准确】

　　theeighty-year mark than ten years ago. 【经典的主谓宾句型，永远是最有力量的，用一句话说清楚一件事情，需要的话，后面句子跟上继续推进，用句群实现更大的效果】

　　In fact, the life expectancy of the average human has gone up【用词准确，善于变换】

　　considerably, and is rising still.【前一句话讲一些现象，这一句话对现象进行generalize同时明确指出发展趋势，两句话把people's lives are longer now这件事情彻底写清楚了】

　　This phenomenon【注意这个词的单复数形式】

　　is the result of several reasons. 【要敢用常见短句。长短句交错，复杂句和简单句交错，是为读者考虑，如同文学评论中说的，要为你的`读者准备可以坐下来休息的凳子，这样的短句，就是休息的凳子】

　　For one, continuing【动词ing形式做形容词使用可以表现出生动的动态效果】

　　scientific and medical innovation ensure【高频动词，记住几个变换形式guarantee, makes sure, promise, assure】

　　that more peoplereceive the treatment they require.【分观点句，句中构建新的因果关系：科技医疗发展-->人们得到治疗】

　　As our knowledge grows regarding various diseases, we become betterequipped to tackle them. 【解释上句话的因果关系为何成立】

　　Consequently, we have managed to eradicate some diseases on a globalscale, while controlling the other diseases, so that the rate of mortality doesnot reach an alarming height during the outbreak of a disease. 【顺势利导，具体阐明观点句中的因果关系带来的全面效果】

　　The plagues of yore, as well as the more recent plague outbreaks arebecoming few and far in between. 【few and far in between这种押的高级写法大家就别模仿了，段数太高，写成less frequent也很好了。这句话才是我们所谓的“举例说明”。前面论证做的好，例子真的只需要一句话就好了!】

　　Such control of diseases means that the general life expectancy hasgone up.【最后这句话极为关键!将分观点句和全文主题的因果关系打通，不可或缺】

　　Diseasessuch as cancer, which used to result almost inevitably in death, are nowcurable, provided they are diagnosed at a certain stage. Diseases such astuberculosis and cholera now cause fewer deaths than they used to only a fewdecades ago. 【满分作文作者也有不淡定的时候，写着写着觉得又想到两个很好的例子，不写浪费了，补刀补在半山腰，无比的画蛇添足。这两句话明明应该加在上一段的结尾句之前，或者不要更好】

　　Anotherreason for the greater life expectancy is the general betterment of the qualityof life. 【论点句永远不带玩花的，一句话建立因果关系：生活质量提高-->寿命变长】

　　What we call the ‘global village’ is fast becoming a city.【作者说是，就一定是!】

　　And in this city, more and more people are being provided a better level ofhygiene than ever before. 【生活质量提高的第一个方面--卫生】

　　A better and improving system of communication ensures that thelatest medical discoveries in the United States and Europe are known all overthe world in a space of a few days. 【第二个方面，communication，并且由communication导致医疗进展扩张很快。这是全文罕见的长句了，但结构依然很清晰】

　　Therefore, more and more people have access to better health care. 【将communication的进展导致的医疗进展扩张快往人们的生活质量上拉--更好的医疗服务】

　　Even people living in relatively remote areas have access【用词准确】 tosome kind of medical facilities. Though these facilities may be incapable ofhandling a crisis, they may help prevent death in cases that requireantibiotics and antivenin, thereby preventing death by infection or poison.【第二个长句，句内让步和对仗(antibiotics and anti venin 对应by infection orpoison)都很完美，模仿有难度，谨慎模仿】【补刀，落后地区医疗服务也有进步，封堵自己的论证可能出现的漏洞】

　　Theincrease in awareness also means that people in general are becoming more awareof the risks of various diseases. 【第三个分论点出炉，awareness，也是个边写边想的作者】

　　Forinstance, more people now, than two decades ago, are aware of the scourge ofcholesterol and the havoc it wreaks on an individual’s circulatory system.Similarly people are becoming aware that prevention is, after all, better thancure and are taking the appropriate steps to prevent infection from diseases. 【作者犯懒，并且医学知识和词汇也太丰富，开始直接举例了，在第三个分论点段，这种lapse是绝对可以理解可以容忍的】

　　Ingeneral, though, the increased life expectancy owes much to the revolution incommunication. 【边写边想的作者写到这里发现，自己前面的几个论点都指向communication, 既然还有时间，再升华一下吧!又一处画蛇添足的败笔。从这里往后全部都不写，也不影响这篇作文高分】

　　It may be mentioned that even two hundred years ago, inventions anddiscoveries were being made. However, they did few people any good. It simplytook too long to disseminate the information. The general level of awarenessregarding health was also low. 【开始过去和现在的比较，在communication对人们生活的影响方面。注意短句的使用，读者可以喘口气】

　　However, it has been noticed that since the inception【高级词汇】

　　ofcommunication through first print, and then radio and television, the level ofawareness regarding health has generally risen. 【再次强化communication具体进步和健康意识之间的关系】

　　To illustrate, print facilitated the spread of knowledge throughbooks. Radio helped bring that knowledge to many people. Television helped tofurther this knowledge and disseminate is amongst an even greater number ofpeople. And finally, the Internet has removed the final barriers betweenintercultural and interracial communication. 【举例，层层叠起，功力深厚，谨慎模仿】

　　In thecoming years, we may hope to see an even greater increase in life expectancy, evenas communication techniques continue to improve.【估计写到这里作者累死了，拖一笔结尾，逻辑词都用错了】

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